last.fm

i wanna be really inappropriate on song pages and be like, 'GETS ME WET' but then people would probably not find that funny in arenas where they talk about their ~feelings~ for a song

wateva

i probably just brewed the strongest cup of coffee ever and now my stomach is kinda queasy and i'm so GODDAMN jittery. doesn't help that he also contacted me yesterday + today and this still has an effect on me, not gonna lie.  to see his name on my phone-e-mail notification made my chest hiccup

stop it you imbecile >:[

anyways i gotta write this paper and where am i going with it!  i keep procrastinating, like really badly.  the book is nice though, la disparition de la langue française, i'll write quotes from it sometime when i'm not lazy as fck

k bye

---
lol 3:35am:

before i used to get sad at this hour. now i get angry. so irrationally angry!  Hey vague person in The Ether, you can go fuck yourself!  yeah fuck you too man!

two weeks

it's been two ~ two.5 weeks since i've last spoken to brandon and shit shit, i wanna. *slaps arm*

some kind of delirium or something

or i don't know what. but getting that message from jon makes me miss him terribly.

now i'm listening to madonna's live to tell, which played at the airport moments before he was about to board his plane back to chicago after spending two weeks with him in june. i was sitting there feeling okay about letting him go for two months, and this song came on and i looked down and started stroking his arm and two big, hot tear drops fell in the tuft of arm hair i was trying to comb down. he used his other arm to bring me closer and there i sat, still stroking his arm like nothing, like a baby cocooned in between us while crying to this (cheesy) song.

i remember the bad, i do i do. but the good, i remember it too. and it was so good when it was.

i feel the temptation to genuinely weep, but there is a thin membrane film over my brain that will try to hold up as best as possible.

ambered

laid in the dark and drank in your thick tones. there was something about little finger leaves riding winds to breaks of sunshine before getting lost underneath clouds and when you came, it was the tickling again, or making the outline of my thoughts in narrow zig zags and do i have to find my way along them?  no because you guide me through it so slowly yet almost too quickly, i just need you to wait for a second, i need to find my way...how did we get here? i swear we were just up on that hill a second ago and now i'm floating in your thickness again and my fingertips are suffocated. but it's fine, it's so fine, i can't seem to move my hands from the fists they are shrouded in my warm hair, my head feels heavy and my arms are not a part of me, everything is just an extension of me except that which is hot and bubbling inside my torso, cold limbs have nothing to do with my name. you are more of an intrinsic part of me than i am of me. how have you eaten me whole without me ever noticing


----
i edited.

just now

i was eating a sandwich and the radio started playing led zeppelin's Achilles Last Stand.  it was the most epic sandwich eating ever
every bite felt like a victory

future husband

criteria he must meet:

• must like neil young
• must like radiohead
• must have read harry potter

**WORK IN PROGRESS**

top songs [drafted]

i have to make a list sometime cuz i'm list-crazy and i'd like to be able to make reference to it, so it's something like this

• neil young, on the beach
• the walkmen, french vacation
• low, lullaby
• radiohead, how to disappear completely 
• bluetile lounge, ambered

something involving those songs, these are maybes:

• neil young, will to love
• elliott smith, condor ave.
• bluetile lounge, ambered
• red house painters, smokey
• sonic youth, the diamond sea
• simon & garfunkel, bookends theme

maybe

breaking bad

best show ever

just finished season two

gonna cry while i meditate

Let us go then, you and I.

No matter how many times it's quoted, no matter how many times I've read it, or how many nothing-heads love it, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" will always be one of those...

one of those precious....
oh you know what i mean.

Jolted.

Sent a message to a friend of mine yesterday, detailing some troubles I've had. Got one back from him today, first line reading,

"I'm reading this from a mental hospital right now,"

and I cannot even.

mysterious scar?

I don't understand this scar-like thing that's appeared on my neck.  It used to come and go away before but now it's here to stay, since the summer I think.  I wonder what it is, it literally looks like someone just took a knife to my throat and cut but missed.

I need help thinking of a cool story to tell people when they ask me about it.  Help me think of one.  You can see it (vaguely above my mole) here:

 

-----

also i just realized that my "how frustrating" post was made the same date/the night before it all happened.  huh.  how curious that i couldn't meditate and felt a distinct wave coming before it actually did come the next night.

This story:

Long Walk to Forever
I wish I can write like this, someday. (Why? You will be too busy in hospitals.)
 Okay.

n ee ds

i want a kiss that will make thoughts hazy

i want
i want
i want one that means something

how long has it been since i've had a meaningful one?  i think the last one i had was before the summer sometime. a moment held, too fleeting, staving off the kiss until i couldn't anymore, then inching closer to his face, my nose grazing the side of his nose, his eyes on me then on my lips, mine on his eyes and then on his lips - a slight push of the head, i could almost feel the energy of his breath cushioning my lips - i pull back so lightly, and he can't anymore; he presses his lips to mine and the kiss is slow, painful, stinging. i burn behind my eyelids and feel like sighing and crying in the beauty of it, but he pulls away and the moment is gone.

i never did have a kiss like that with him again.  maybe one of the reasons why jon & i failed.

i wonder what it is like to continuously have kisses like that with one person. i wonder

---

i want
i want
i want to tell you how much this music is meaning to me right now? it is my new found friend we keep having secret conversations together over tea sitting on a bed of molasses because we sink in so slowly, just like kisses [the weight (and the sea)]
i love everything slow
i want everything slow

---

i just want to get over this quicker though. how has it only been 9 days??

b, it does not help that i keep having dreams of you, i cannot really remember what they are but i know they are of you because i wake up desperately wanting to go back to sleep and enter the same dream. you were wearing a chicken costume in one of them, i know there's a really funny story behind it

i miss you a lot.

curl around me let us settle in our nest and weep together over the loss of time



   

Letter to the Object of My Affections

Funny, I swore I just wrote you a letter yesterday...?  This is one you won't read.

I felt today that I had perhaps been too hasty with the things I said yesterday, with the decisions I made.  I know, ultimately, it's what I needed to do, and perhaps it is better that I did them in that way.  The feeling of haste lingers because I didn't get to ask you these questions:

Was it not worth it?  With all the obstacles standing in the way, our way, would it have not been worth it?
Why was it too hard for you to talk to me?
Do you ever think that we will be able to talk to each other without spurring those kinds of feelings?
Why won't you tell me anything?

Perhaps it is best that you don't.  If I knew the exact thoughts you had right now, well it would probably make me want you more, or satiate my curiosity and I'd think of you less.  Look, I keep listening to this song and you once told me how you wished it would never leave you.  Why are you like that with songs, with films, with conversations, all these tangible things...but not with people?  Why are you so afraid?

I won't get to ask you these questions anytime soon, I know I did the right thing.  I know you did, too.  "If you zoom out until the Earth is a tiny blue marble, it seems so trivial.  We can just make tracks in the sand and follow them," until we meet each other, I think is what you meant to say.

Anyway.

Truly,
Dayana

D FOR LOVE

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHQLKMOIM34'OIFMAJKNVIUQ3NKAWNEFONQL
WEKFMAOW;EHT;KWNEFOUHQOGN;OQ2IEJ;WMEFU2FNO;NGJKNU;GV;KJA
NVO;AIMW;O4IGMFALWKEBGO;N;AJKNW;LGHKLWNG;KAJHEIGUHAEG;JKE
RHGNJAVW84NI475GHNKAEURHG89W4HGQ38JFNIW4H859I4WM;OVQINLKWE
ALWNEOVAMW;OEIGJNo;kmewgvlaion;wiogn4mklwamevoiAKJWNGILUANWL4GUN

Letter to My Best Friend

Dear Pauline,

There is this 30-Day thing when you write a letter everyday to someone different in your life.  Best friend is the first so you know, deal with it.

What can I say that I am not in the process of writing in my snail letter to you right now?  Oh, I know.  That it comforts me a lot to know that I always have you to turn to.  WHICH IS PRETTY LAME to say but here is the truth: you are the person that has taught me how to feel unconditionally for someone who wasn't a family member.  I mean cuz you know, I love my parents and siblings a lot and I would do anything for them.  But I started from scratch with you, with no genetic predisposition or expectation to love you, and 14 or something years after having met you for the first time, you are someone I will love my whole life.  Even if by some rhyme or reason something as crazy as us breaking up happened, I know for sure I will speak to my future family of you.  But whatever just don't fuck this up :P

ANYWAYS these are all things you already know so this is gonna come as no big surprise to you.  I want nothing to change, I want everything to stay the same.  Turn to me, turn to you, we will find each other in nights in Newtown Playground and be the same two girls at heart that we've always been.

Love,
Dayana

okay, okay, okay. time to stop thinking about you.

out!

how frustrating.

i tried to meditate tonight but i felt like something wasn't going to go right even before i started. i kept zoning in and out and while this is what usually happens, me trying to bat away the thoughts & noise and just concentrate on my breathing, i couldn't and now i'm just arghhhalkmfao;iwglajkf[

sought to it to combat the wave i feel coming on [AGAIN] but now i'm just frustrated and ever closer to it. what else is new?

cartier bresson

it just hit me

but i have barely written about much here besides love. since when did i become this girl? when did i start defining myself based on my relationships? maybe it is because i only seek refuge here when i have word vomit and need to let it all out. don't wanna get too in depth, the bad nights stay hidden in the corner of my closet where i keep the bottle of wine from last year's wedding reception, oh what great irony !



but how
how
how
can i begin to describe...

well!

today i stood facing out of the windows in the train and as it passed over the williamsburg bridge, i saw a man riding on a bicycle glancing up at us and laughing, feet pedaling white teeth dreads flowing, trying to beat the j line to the punch.
well did he? 
i don't know, look this isn't the point, the point is that we should be able to have those moments whenever we goddamn feel like having them. you gotta allow yourself to feel it which is why i sat down afterwards and looked at the grapefruit sky and was reminded of that scene in All About Lily Chou-Chou where it looks like the boy is standing in the heart of a fruit
[ or should we say The Ether ]
and the city skyline so far away with bits of garbage lining the tracks and boy was i happy. deliriously. all out sat with my chin in my hand and smiled at everyone
did the little boy across from you think you were crazy?
probably i mean he kept frowning at me but he would smile when i looked back at him. pink cloud reflections look welcoming on brown skin wouldn't you think so?

ok, ok ok. 
have i told you that i love you?
it's our duty 

those eyes,

can't shake that look from that picture. can't

i wonder what this weekend will be like when we chat. and tuesday night. man. im gonna be a mess. i will keep trying to think of today. today showed me what we have, despite the circumstances, and what we could have one day. i hope to connect with you soul-to-soul, even if its just as friends. theres something special there either way. youve said so many things to me that no one else ever has. things i couldnt ever fathom being told to me. things about yourself and about me and about this situation. youve made me feel things ive never felt, care about things ive never cared about, and not care about things that i would usually be completely indulged in. ITS FOOTBALL SEASON AND ALSO THE RED SOX ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS! but really i couldnt care less- i just wanna know how my girl's day has been. even now, several weeks(months?) after i have typed this, as we are frozen and i am freezing, i am hoping that you are warm and so is your smile. my eyes are so tired right now and im gettin very sad thinking about this. i want to close my eyes and think about today, and imagine it happening again sometime soon, but in person. so please enjoy your day/night/twilight and i'll be back soon mija!

i have tons of little letters like this one, all of javi's letters somewhere in my closet, hidden. in my computer folders that i haven't touched since '08.  i dared to read this one, i think it was a mistake. i think today i will hide all of jon's letters in there, too.  i can barely read them.

'I'll love you, dear, I'll love you
                   Till China and Africa meet,
                 And the river jumps over the mountain
                   And the salmon sing in the street,

                 'I'll love you till the ocean
                   Is folded and hung up to dry
                 And the seven stars go squawking
                   Like geese about the sky.

                 'The years shall run like rabbits,
                   For in my arms I hold
                 The Flower of the Ages,
                   And the first love of the world.'
                 
                  —As I Walked Out One Evening, W. H. Auden

not for you, 

i just want to hang the ocean up to dry

Threshold.

I've figured it out.  It's once I stay up past 1:30am that I either get

a) impulsive with words
b) drastic with emotion
c) sad

and mostly it's usually d) all of the above.  And then it explodes on someone and KABOOM!  Friendship is lost.

These days,

I am happy.  Nothing to complain about, so don't get me wrong, that is not what I am trying to do.

I just think crazy thoughts sometimes, I go back and forth between what I feel and what I actually do feel a lot. I know I am alright and that the sadness I felt for the past two weeks was just a natural reaction to a completely ordinary break-up, and I am okay.  But this other thing, well, I feel like I almost remember what it was to like Mehdi again.  It's pretty funny, I had forgotten about this feeling but there you go.  Unrequited feelings never change, no matter how young or old you are.

This is all very fleeting though, if anything I just wish more than anything in the world that we could just be friends, and that's that.


If my mind does not make spectacularly tacky yet desirable scenarios that involve me going to the West Coast 2 b wit u

i am lost

is this how it feels?
i am lost in its immensity.

silence.

aside from talking about it on mt, i can't even tell people in real life what is going on. mom came home late today, i'm sitting with her at the dinner table and we start talking about things. "how is school?" "good. how was work?" "tiring. how about your personal problems?" i look at her.  "is your heart sad?"  i nod, feel the wild urge to cry. start tearing, i think she noticed. she looks me right in the eyes and she says, "sometimes it's foolish, it doesn't know what it wants until it's gone. that's what my mom used to say to me." i laugh, get up, and get some water. i need to do something so she doesn't know. she probably does, though. my mom is far too perceptive for these things. 

anyway, tomorrow will be a better day.

breaking up

well now it's over. with much heaviness i have come to the conclusion that even though you think you've got it all figured out, you still have so, so much learning to do. when will i ever stop learning? that, and i'm done with long distance relationships. i hate you, distance, for robbing me of my last kiss.

con las lagrimas cobardes

sitting on my bed, wringing my hands and worrying worrying worrying.

sleep is unwelcome

humiliation

i'm very embarrassed of the way that i've been acting these past few days. clingy, distant, no control...this is not like me. so why am i acting like this? for all the times i can say 'sorry', and that i do, i think the meaning is lost upon the person i'm saying it to. but believe me, when i say sorry to you, i really mean it.

i don't know exactly what is going on with me at the moment, i am not acting like myself. being on this break with jon has turned me upside down. need to find myself right side up again.

breather

sometimes i want to speak to someone like they are my conscience and this rarely ever happens but i feel it right now, i don't know where it'll lead but it'll take me somewhere so here i am writing to you with the least amount of pauses or breaths as possible, like i'm taking a big breath and holding it as long as possible until i start seeing little images behind my eyes because my cells lack oxygen and i'm telling you what i'm seeing

so

tonight i envision lots of things but mainly it's been this fixation with the visuals of emotions, by all means i don't want this to be a sad message or a happy one because i am neither and maybe you are neither and there was a time when i knew how you would be feeling and where did those times go i don't know, carried by the wind along with little dandelion petals that a little girl blew in a park somewhere long enough so she got every last spore into the air, i mean if you think about all the things that go in the air do you ever wonder where they all go? what if maybe sometime i blew a feather from my pillow out of my window and if by some weather and wind miracle it flew to you? what if it is just resting in your garden or hidden underneath your pot where you keep the spare key by the back door and you never knew, what if you got one from florida or from some bird that flew from north to south with one solitary feather teetering on the edge of falling off the whole trip, what then. does it matter where things come from well no not really that's not my point my point is that this gives us or mainly just me another reason to hate my body because it keeps me too grounded, doesn't my mind do that for me already, why must i be reminded that i am married to the land and not the sky, why can't we have both

except you will, soon, you're leaving to OR soon i presume? that's cool i wish you the best of luck on your venture, im glad its working out for you like you wanted it to. i hope you write to me sometime even if its just to tell me how scared you are or how beautiful it is and how glad you are that you left sc and how you're never returning to the east coast and i'll cry some for all us easterners out here who lost someone like you.

let's talk soon sometime, i think my feather invitation got lost or caught in a rainstorm somewhere.

j,

you always come unbidden into my head don't you? don't know where you are yet, i'm trying to find out, i just messaged your sister, jazmin. she was the one going to italy right? i wonder what happened, i wonder if she ever did. i have gotten no response yet but i hope to hear back from her soon, message replete with good news and "he's okay"s so that i can stop. i mean, the grieving period is over, i think. i think i did pay my dues when i thought of you everyday last year. and every month without fail i would break down. if it turns out you're alive and kickin', i'm gonna be really mad i wasted all those tears!

i'm just kidding.

god i don't even remember how to talk to you anymore. well, kinda. i read a convo of ours, one of the last i think, and you asked if, 'if i died, would you want anyone to tell you?' i didn't answer and told you to stop talking like that. i remember getting mad and just saying bye and logging off, right after you told me that you'd want to know if i had passed away. i couldn't read anymore after that because god, i wish i had said yes. yes yes yes.

i can't think of any good that's coming out of staying in this limbo. god what if i don't even know what has become of you, even after i come back from paris? august 17th will come and go, and then labor day...

enough, dayana. it's time to stop now.

these days it is easier to maintain a slightly more distant form of journal at tumblr rather than keep one that is remarkably intimate here. so

http://youknowthissong.tumblr.com

until i get tired of it and move back here.

Somewhere I Have Never Travelled, Gladly Beyond, E.E. Cummings

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skillfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain has such small hands

This summer...

Early morning on the river Seine, originally uploaded by Vincent Montibus.

will I celebrate my birthday while looking at this view, with a cheap bottle of wine in my hand?

I can only hope so.

.

oh it's cool. i told her about how it's hard being around someone you like when you don't like yourself and how trying to cover up the bad parts makes you distant and that's the worst you can do. then i made fun of her and told her that was my good side.

maaaaaan

Sonnet 113

Since I left you, mine eye is in my mind,

And that which governs me to go about

Doth part his function, and is partly blind,

Seems seeing, but effectually is out;

For it no form delivers to the heart

Of bird, of flow'r, or shape which it doth latch.

Of his quick objects hath the mind no part,

Nor his own vision holds what it doth catch;

For if it see the rud’st or gentlest sight,

The most sweet favor or deformèd’st creature,

The mountain, or the sea, the day, or night,

The crow, or dove, it shapes them to your feature.

  Incapable of more, replete with you,

  My most true mind thus makes mine untrue.

-Shakespeare

so fucked up

Today morning, I came to the conclusion that I have really weird and fucked up dreams. I don't remember the entire story of what I dreamed last night but it was something like, I was running away from something (I ALWAYS am). There are always corridors and a little girl that I must save, I don't get it. But the fucked up part was not that, that's just the weird part. The fucked up part is that I then dreamt I was masturbating out of fucking nowhere and my super creepy (in real life) uncle was laying down next to me pretending to sleep but wasn't and knew what was going on and I didn't realize this until I was getting into it and then I had to run away from him because I heard him breathing heavily and I got the image of him salivating and shit.

Now I know that these are the kinds of things you are supposed to keep to yourself but quite frankly I don't give a goddamn flying fuck because I don't know what the shit I am dreaming anymore. All I know is that I have single-handedly disproved Freud's theory that dreams are subconscious desires because I am being completely honest here when I say that I can think of no more disgusting thing in the world than the events that happened in my dream. Ough what a disturbing day.

So yeah, I have these pretty disturbing dreams on the regular now. Sometimes I am a lesbian, sometimes I am a man, sometimes I see death and grieve in my dreams, I have dreamt of burying fetuses in backyards and children born with large teeth sullen eyes and contagious diseases. Why?

no more cowardice

sorry about that earlier today. i have crossed it out.

in this attempt to stop being such a goddamn pussy, i have also republished some old posts that i had saved as drafts. it's better to look at progress than to try and hide it. yeah? yeah!

school

if you have always wanted to ask a question to the stupidest person in the world, well now here's your chance. c'mon, let's have it!!

how have i fucked up college so badly

HOW

i came into nyu thinking i was going to do everything perfectly, study until my brain rot and do extracurriculars and build up an amazing med school application/resume

have i?

nope.

i am never ever getting anywhere in life and i hate that i think about school 75% to 85% of my time.

and here's the funny part, this is all just me putting pressure on myself. my family just has high expectations but fuck i just gotta do everything perfectly for them because they deserve it

i don't care about myself i don't care i can do without everything i have so long as i do well in school but right now it is the other way around, i have everything that i want except a successful start of a career, where the fuck am i gonna get with that

so fucking stupid jesus christ

and i'm the whiniest person in the planet i wish you didn't have to read this just stop reading i'm sorry you had to

i don't even know how i got into this school i don't deserve any of it at all

mogwai

more people need to see & hear this,

pauline, this means you:

Valentine's Day Weekend

the whole moment we were laying in bed looking at each other and not speaking a word, in my head i kept saying, "i love you i love you i love you".

but i can't say it yet. not until the words are able to be repeated aloud in the same staccato rhythm that i would randomly kiss you.

The Staten Island Ferry

has become particularly painful to go on now. 'All passengers aboard must leave the ferry' the announcements would say as we would kiss and ignore each one until they got more and more urgent; until the sound of footsteps would be impossible to ignore; until we realized that we were one of the last people off the boat. you made the whole city all the more memorable and now that you're not here, it's not the same. i went on the ferry today and i could not and did not speak at all while i was on it. i sat and listened to michael and ranjit buzz in my ear but i was not really anywhere, i was just looking out of the window, in a limbo between winter break and spacing out.

all i know is, the city misses you, as do i. come back already.

oh god

i literally just thought 'i wonder where my baby is?' in my head.

and then proceeded to laugh for five minutes

lololol

anyways, today the bus i was on stopped right next to a nursing home, and right inside the windows of the cafeteria, i saw a bunch of its residents actually playing bingo. holy crap that made me smile a lot.

i'm freaking out

ok so quickly before i have to go back to homework,

but last night was something quite special. i mean, i don't know what it was. maybe i was half delirious with fatigue and the other half with yearning, but i finished talking to jon on AIM and then i texted a reply to something he had sent to my phone while we were talking. it was crazy because during that very brief moment i took to say bye, go to the bathroom, brush my teeth and get my bed ready for sleeping, i was missing him dreadfully. and i was freaking out because i was like 'oh man oh man oh man this is what it's like isn't it, this is what it's like to freefall' and then i got this message from him and i knew that i was:

Like, i have nights where I miss having you an arms length away (at most). I'm recalling everything clearly, beyond the vague account of it all i wrote down. The smell of you, the texture of your lips and the moisture in your mouth, how your eyes looked in the darkness, the sound that plastic covering made in the window when the wind blew into it. Everything.

and honestly, i don't know what came over me at that precise moment and it is not like you care at all, really. but i put my phone to my neck as i turned my head to the left and began to cry so earnestly, and freely, and i would open my eyes to see something to retain some sense back again and stop the flow but all there was were my dark purple walls that turn to black in the night. but it was okay, because despite me missing him so terribly much, i was crying out of joy. i don't know how i've gotten here, really. at all. all i know is that this long distance thing is going to be a lot harder than i thought.

and i hate to write about this in every post really but i can't shut up about it. when you feel this strongly, you can't shut up about it. i want to tell myself to shut up but before i can, my mouth is already open with fresh words and my fingers ache to type more, in attempts to bridge the gaps where sentences end in this pool of sentiments and affections. these are my bridges and you are just walking on them along with me.

hah

a friend of mine wrote me an e-mail recently and the first paragraph was this:

man, I totally emo'd out earlier today. god, I mean, I milked it because I so often miss when I was truly sad back in the day so when I started to feel bad I egged it on like all hell, was almost laughing at the comedy of it as I was shopping around the grocery store and just had near tears forming behind my glasses, carelessly throwing a bread loaf and stuff into my cart and looking so unhappy/not caring/sad.

and i can completely understand that. sometimes when there is too much happiness, i'm like wait...what. how is this possible. shouldn't i be listening to julie doiron and moping or something? but nah, you don't. eventually you do have that moment when you're laughing and throwing food into your shopping cart and it's funny, because you secretly want a little pain when it's not there but when it comes in droves, you want it to all go away.

but that's not my life right now. i am not sad, i am happy. the only reason i have for being sad is that jon is not here right now, nor will he be until, possibly, valentine's day weekend. i can't complain though...i spent 11 wonderful days with him, and i couldn't really have asked for a better way to spend the winter break.

lol you know on those first days back to school, you go around the classroom and they ask you, "what did you do over winter break?" what if i were to say, "fall in love"?

i'm happy where i am, today.

love ?