some kind of delirium or something

or i don't know what. but getting that message from jon makes me miss him terribly.

now i'm listening to madonna's live to tell, which played at the airport moments before he was about to board his plane back to chicago after spending two weeks with him in june. i was sitting there feeling okay about letting him go for two months, and this song came on and i looked down and started stroking his arm and two big, hot tear drops fell in the tuft of arm hair i was trying to comb down. he used his other arm to bring me closer and there i sat, still stroking his arm like nothing, like a baby cocooned in between us while crying to this (cheesy) song.

i remember the bad, i do i do. but the good, i remember it too. and it was so good when it was.

i feel the temptation to genuinely weep, but there is a thin membrane film over my brain that will try to hold up as best as possible.