but last night was something quite special. i mean, i don't know what it was. maybe i was half delirious with fatigue and the other half with yearning, but i finished talking to jon on AIM and then i texted a reply to something he had sent to my phone while we were talking. it was crazy because during that very brief moment i took to say bye, go to the bathroom, brush my teeth and get my bed ready for sleeping, i was missing him dreadfully. and i was freaking out because i was like 'oh man oh man oh man this is what it's like isn't it, this is what it's like to freefall' and then i got this message from him and i knew that i was:
Like, i have nights where I miss having you an arms length away (at most). I'm recalling everything clearly, beyond the vague account of it all i wrote down. The smell of you, the texture of your lips and the moisture in your mouth, how your eyes looked in the darkness, the sound that plastic covering made in the window when the wind blew into it. Everything.
and honestly, i don't know what came over me at that precise moment and it is not like you care at all, really. but i put my phone to my neck as i turned my head to the left and began to cry so earnestly, and freely, and i would open my eyes to see something to retain some sense back again and stop the flow but all there was were my dark purple walls that turn to black in the night. but it was okay, because despite me missing him so terribly much, i was crying out of joy. i don't know how i've gotten here, really. at all. all i know is that this long distance thing is going to be a lot harder than i thought.
and i hate to write about this in every post really but i can't shut up about it. when you feel this strongly, you can't shut up about it. i want to tell myself to shut up but before i can, my mouth is already open with fresh words and my fingers ache to type more, in attempts to bridge the gaps where sentences end in this pool of sentiments and affections. these are my bridges and you are just walking on them along with me.
As long as the bridge isn't too high!
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