it just hit me

but i have barely written about much here besides love. since when did i become this girl? when did i start defining myself based on my relationships? maybe it is because i only seek refuge here when i have word vomit and need to let it all out. don't wanna get too in depth, the bad nights stay hidden in the corner of my closet where i keep the bottle of wine from last year's wedding reception, oh what great irony !



but how
how
how
can i begin to describe...

well!

today i stood facing out of the windows in the train and as it passed over the williamsburg bridge, i saw a man riding on a bicycle glancing up at us and laughing, feet pedaling white teeth dreads flowing, trying to beat the j line to the punch.
well did he? 
i don't know, look this isn't the point, the point is that we should be able to have those moments whenever we goddamn feel like having them. you gotta allow yourself to feel it which is why i sat down afterwards and looked at the grapefruit sky and was reminded of that scene in All About Lily Chou-Chou where it looks like the boy is standing in the heart of a fruit
[ or should we say The Ether ]
and the city skyline so far away with bits of garbage lining the tracks and boy was i happy. deliriously. all out sat with my chin in my hand and smiled at everyone
did the little boy across from you think you were crazy?
probably i mean he kept frowning at me but he would smile when i looked back at him. pink cloud reflections look welcoming on brown skin wouldn't you think so?

ok, ok ok. 
have i told you that i love you?
it's our duty