crooked, five fingers.

i was waiting all day to sit in front of this little blogger screen, except now that i am here, my fingers itch and my cheeks burn from the haze that lies at the bottom of the bailey's but the words are not coming.  please flow back to me.  perhaps i have to pull the rope to bring them all back from the trip they're taking.

  i thought i had you tethered, please come back.

all it is these days is just feeling feelings feeling.  that makes sense, please read it again.  i listened a lot to this today and it made me feel unabashed about thinking of intimate scenarios.  how must've bjork felt to be in her afterglow and feel so enamored with this boy.  does making love with someone you truly love bring you jeunesse?  i wish to feel that if so.  so much talk of two spirits moving in motion with one another, in every sense, i have yet to feel that.  i look forward to the day.

or even just knowing him.  holding his face between my hands, fingers splayed in his hair, hard grip, unfaltering gaze and truly knowing this is him.  at the moment, this is all i'm ever going to get and not for a second do i lament that, no.  maybe i get mad, why did you take so long?  maybe you look at me with puppy eyes, i'm so sorry.  maybe my anger dissipates in a bubble like i'm living in a cartoon, i didn't mean it.  you are here this is all that m a tttttttttt ers

hugging is not enough.  kissing could be not enough.  being inside me will not be enough.  i can only envision trying to breathe you in and hitting your chest for being too solid, please just dissolve into me for a second, you can have your body back for eternity after that.  just one glorious second when we can be living in the same skin and stretch our fingers together, your too long digits aching to not break through my membrane.  you would have to curl yourself a bit, i'm sorry i'm so small, i just want you to hold me from the inside out and i'll breathe easier.

more bjork, more bailey's, more brandon.