confused

can someone puke feelings?  might be the caffeine in my stomach combined with the essay thoughts i'm trying to suppress but i feel like i'm about to puke love.  all over my test, my computer screen, my notes my journals my pictures, everything.  i am sitting here trying to write about depression and for the life of me, i can't.  instead i pay heed to the urgent blaring call inside my head that told me "text him now" and i did and it led to this conversation and now i'm floating.  where is my gravity now, i need it, i need to go back down, i have responsibilities, i gotta take care of things, but jesus i want to stay right here and stretch out my arms and legs and feel nothing but the vastness of everything.  maybe float closer and closer to the sun and feel that white piercing heat somewhere else that is outside of my body.  outside of my....chest?  lmao oh my god i am the corniest person alive.  oh my god what have you done, i will meet you and puke all of these words all over your face

(silently, though. still too intense i cannot scare you)
but you will reek of it, i will reek of it, dribbles of it will stay on my lips, hidden in the corners of my mouth, i can't rinse it out.  i wondered what called me to you like that but you had just finished an episode of breaking bad and felt the persistent urge to tell me about it and instead, moments later, i contact you.  what is that, is that you sending your strong energy to me or is it just pure coincidence.  can two bodies send such things to each other, i don't even know

what the hell am i talking abouttt
i will keep listening to tim buckley and the sounds of the waves in the background of this beautiful song and maybe keep you in the background of my thoughts too







okay